When I was growing up, I had many many people I aspired to be like. People who I was modelling behaviours from. This did not change as I moved into my career. There were many company leaders, line managers, colleagues I wanted to be more like.
These people behaved in ways I admired. They interacted with others in such a way that their teams and people close to them looked up to them. They were always willing to share their knowledge and had time for the people around them. . . . .
I would model myself on them, dreaming of one day being just like them. I would behave, dress and act like them even used the language they used. You see the way I saw it was if I wanted to be more like them then I had to be more like them.
I would read about all the great leaders. People who were successful in their field, business people, entrepreneurs, and people who inspired me.
I wanted to know how they got where they were today; I would read and watch biographies to find elements of their behaviours, certain attributes that were appealing and that I could imitate.
Then something shifted in me. I discovered what I call my anti-model, the people I did not want to be like.
The funny part was some these anti-model people had attributes of people I once wanted to be like. That got me thinking how could that be?
My curious mind kept thinking about this phenomenon. There was a time I would want to be like these people, but now I would hate to be THAT person, behave like THAT person and treat others like THAT person treated others, why is this activating me so much I kept thinking.
And then it dawned on me. Unconsciously I was being shown a big fat mirror. Yep got to love that mirror right? The mirror where I need to accept that I could or have been like these people.
I guess for me I am kinda lucky I got it, I remembered times I was like them, thinking I was making a difference. I was even told I was making a difference.
The thing is the people who are my anti-model are great people, making a difference and people others should model themselves on, there is no doubt about that.
No wonder I felt so confused and conflicted. So I got more curious. If these people are good for modelling behaviours on for others, and I have been that person, and it WAS okay, then why is it that I am still feeling activated and frustrated.
Why is it that I cannot accept them as good examples for modelling behaviours on? Unconsciously why am I being shown this now? I knew that this was because my unconscious needs me to deal with something but what the hell was it?
The thing is we all need someone to model ourselves on. These are people we utilise so that we can grow and excel in our life endeavors; they help us become what it is we want to be known for right?
But I think as a kid this is a lot easier than as an adult. Why? Because as kids we are growing and learning ALL the time so we are unconsciously modeling all the time, with parents, siblings, teachers, older children, celebrities whoever it might be. This is so clear with the kids I work with, even as a parent we hope they are modeling on good role models right?
Even as young adults entering the workforce we are still learning; we have never been in the workforce before and are still learning how to behave, so of course we model our line manager or people we are inspired to be like in our nominated field.
But I got thinking more what happens when you are at the top of your game, who would the president, the prime minister the queen model? Surely they are inspired by some one? I would like to believe they are. When I meet these people, I will ask them and let you know 🙂
So it got me thinking some more, maybe it’s a values shift. As our values change, our internal representation of the world is changing so the very nature of that means the types of people we would once model are no longer the people we should or would model now.
For me I know my values are shifting, I know that I am rejecting values that once served me well. So I set myself a mission to find people in values levels that I aspire to transition to, so I can grow and learn.
So the lesson for me is that no matter where you are in your life, career or relationships make sure you are finding people to model that are helping YOU grow. If you want me to audit your values and show you what values level you are currently living in then message me now for a values elicitation.
You’re the change you’re looking for
Until next time Ann-Marie